I'm a Mess

Photo by MMPR on Unsplash

Anxiety is, once again, kicking my ass. I have a crazy busy week, and all I want is to hide in bed.

I work every day this week and have plans in the evening every day. Two of those evenings are Cub Scout events for my son, and every time I think about it I start crying. He is loving the Cub Scouts. I am dreading every moment.

The meetings are absolute hell. There are kids running around screaming in a church gym, and it’s sensory overload. They discuss upcoming events, and I want to cry because I desperately don’t want to go to any of them because I’m terrified of all the human interaction. They’re doing popcorn sales and I don’t want to go to any of the sale events because THERE ARE PEOPLE THERE, but not going means my son misses out on earning a badge. Thursday is the homecoming parade that the Scouts are riding in, and I typically avoid parades because they’re loud and there are so many people and so much traffic when you leave and what if I pick a place to sit where I can’t see my son in the parade anyway.

And now my daughter is saying she wants to join the Girl Scouts, which we’ve already tried, and was already a disaster.

I had to cancel dinner plans with my mother because I forgot about a work meeting I have in the evening on my only free day this week, so now I’m afraid I’ve disappointed her again.

And on top of all of this, my house is a disaster, I desperately need to do laundry, yet all I want to do is stop being conscious because I just can’t deal with any of this.

I’m a mess, and I’m so tired.


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