Anxiety Tries to Sabotage Relationships
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Photo by Matthew Fassnacht on Unsplash |
I think everyone carries anxieties from past relationships
into future relationships. It’s how we evolve and grow. But at some point, we
have to figure out the line between protecting ourselves from getting hurt and
preventing ourselves from being happy.
Some people are afraid of letting down their guard and
entering in to new relationships, out of fear of being hurt again. I’m not one
of those people, though I do see where they are coming from. I have no problem
entering new relationships – my problem is staying.
I’ve often jokingly referred to myself as The Girl Who Ran.
At the first sign of problems, I flee. I grew up with my parents fighting
often, and I swore I wouldn’t live that way again.
Okay, so it’s not instant fleeing – but it doesn’t take long
before I decide the fighting will probably never end, and I need to get the
heck out of dodge. Unfortunately there
have been times I didn’t flee fast enough and things got much, much worse.
Those were the times I so desperately wanted the situation to get better, that
I gave myself false hope.
Then there have been times where I tried to end it, the
person talked me out of it, and I was later glad for that because things did
get better.
And of course, there have been times that I ended it and
later wondered if it was the right thing to do. Years later I still wonder if
it was the right choice.
Naturally I’m also constantly paranoid that my partners are
losing interest in me. I’ve gotten much better at communicating that particular
brain weasel, and smooshing it before it takes off.
Issues from past relationships have effected so many aspects
of my current relationships, and it’s something I’m constantly working on. My
goal is to be a better partner, and a better person in general. Anxiety tries
hard to keep me at my worst, but I keep on swimming.
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