Anxiety Tries to Sabotage Relationships
|Photo by Matthew Fassnacht on Unsplash|
I think everyone carries anxieties from past relationships into future relationships. It’s how we evolve and grow. But at some point, we have to figure out the line between protecting ourselves from getting hurt and preventing ourselves from being happy.
Some people are afraid of letting down their guard and entering in to new relationships, out of fear of being hurt again. I’m not one of those people, though I do see where they are coming from. I have no problem entering new relationships – my problem is staying.
I’ve often jokingly referred to myself as The Girl Who Ran. At the first sign of problems, I flee. I grew up with my parents fighting often, and I swore I wouldn’t live that way again.
Okay, so it’s not instant fleeing – but it doesn’t take long before I decide the fighting will probably never end, and I need to get the heck out of dodge. Unfortunately there have been times I didn’t flee fast enough and things got much, much worse. Those were the times I so desperately wanted the situation to get better, that I gave myself false hope.
Then there have been times where I tried to end it, the person talked me out of it, and I was later glad for that because things did get better.
And of course, there have been times that I ended it and later wondered if it was the right thing to do. Years later I still wonder if it was the right choice.
Naturally I’m also constantly paranoid that my partners are losing interest in me. I’ve gotten much better at communicating that particular brain weasel, and smooshing it before it takes off.
Issues from past relationships have effected so many aspects of my current relationships, and it’s something I’m constantly working on. My goal is to be a better partner, and a better person in general. Anxiety tries hard to keep me at my worst, but I keep on swimming.