My Fear of the Cub Scouts

Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash


I am terrified of my children’s extracurricular activities. I’m torn because on one hand, I want them to socialize more than I did when I was in school. I want them to participate and build friendships and learn skills. Unfortunately, that involves me socializing, and that has kept me from signing them up for quite a bit.

When my 6-year-old son said he wanted to join Cub Scouts, there was no question in my mind that I would let him. Yes, I was filled with every possible “what-if” scenario, but I knew this was something I had to let him do.

My son is a smaller version of me. He’s incredibly shy and has many of my anxieties. I know Cub Scouts teaches so many good life skills and this would be a wonderful opportunity for him to form friendships. So, I sucked up my anxieties and signed him up.

I’ve been fortunate that his father or my boyfriend have been able to take him to most of the events. Last weekend, I failed him. It was the family campout weekend, and I just couldn’t bring myself to go.

He would have loved it. Camping, outdoors activities, earning badges, and his favorite thing ever – S’mores. But the thought of it made my heart race. That would involve so much interacting with other parents – and not just being near them while the kids have fun. It would involve setting up tents and doing outdoor activities with them. All things I’m quite mediocre with, so I’d be terrified of making an ass of myself. And this isn't just a few hours of activity where I can take my meds and function like a mostly normal human. This is a solid 2.5 days of no escaping the anxiety. 

I feel horrible for making my son miss the campout. He would have loved it. But no one else was able to take him and I was frozen by fear. I hate that my anxiety affects my kids sometimes. With school starting soon there will be more meetings, and I’m going to have to face my fears and go. I can’t keep making him miss out because of me.

I did sign him up for the next activity – Renaissance Festival cleanup. That one shouldn’t be too difficult, right?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Respect Street - It's a Two-Way Road that Family Should Travel Together

Image
I've been watching Love, Victor. It's a series on Hulu in the universe of the movie Love, Simon, which is a hit movie about a teenager's journey to coming out as gay.  Love, Victor stars a Latino family with a teenage boy who is trying to figure out his sexual identity. He knows he's attracted to boys, but finds that he is also attracted to girls. His family is very traditional and Catholic, so Victor is afraid they will not accept him.  I love shows/movies like this because not only is queer representation in media so important, but also because I identify with the characters so much. While my parents aren't particularly religious, my grandparents are, and image is very important to them.  In the episode I'm currently watching (season 1, episode 5), Victor's grandparents come to visit for his 16th birthday. His mom is in panic mode because her mother-in-law is always incredibly judgmental of her every move. Victor invites his girlfriend, friends, and the bo
Read more

How To Avoid Your Feelings in Three Easy Steps!

Image
Same, Zooey Deschanel. Same.  Greetings, from your super slacker neighborhood anxiety blogger. Yeah, I know I never post anymore. It seems as though over the last 6 months or so, I’ve resorted to thinking about life (and all my issues) as little as possible, as a way to not freak out over them. It worked for a while. Things seemed to be going relatively well. Sure, my contact with the outside world was slowly diminishing – even texts to my partners were slowing considerably – but surely if I avoided my feelings by any means necessary, everything would be hunky dory, right?  How To Avoid Your Feelings in Three Easy Steps :  Mindlessly play games on your phone Watch Netflix whenever you should be cleaning Focus on literally anything  other than your actual life Yeah, I’m not fooling anyone. In the past few weeks it’s really caught up with me. It’s the two-year anniversary of my husband saying he wanted a divorce. It’s hard not to remember - it was
Read more

I got what I want... why am I crying?

Image
The above picture is an excellent portrayal of how far I’ve gotten with packing. My youngest built a box fort while my eldest played on her phone. Meanwhile, I was going in and out of the house bringing empty boxes in and taking filled boxes to the car. I’m in a weird place today. When my husband said he wanted a divorce over a year ago, I was crushed. For months I felt lost and hopeless. I lost the home I’d lived in for nearly ten years, mine and my childrens’ lives were turned upside down, and I felt like a complete failure. Since then I have worked so hard to improve my situation. I got a new job, I moved several times before renting the trailer I’ve been in for a year (the first place I’ve ever had on my own), I got a new job, and have worked hard to improve my credit score. I’m happy with where my life is right now. I decided I could have lower monthly payments (and SO much more room) if I owned instead of rented, and have worked for months to make that a reality. It’
Read more