My Fear of the Cub Scouts
|Photo by Piron Guillaume on Unsplash|
I am terrified of my children’s extracurricular activities. I’m torn because on one hand, I want them to socialize more than I did when I was in school. I want them to participate and build friendships and learn skills. Unfortunately, that involves me socializing, and that has kept me from signing them up for quite a bit.
When my 6-year-old son said he wanted to join Cub Scouts, there was no question in my mind that I would let him. Yes, I was filled with every possible “what-if” scenario, but I knew this was something I had to let him do.
My son is a smaller version of me. He’s incredibly shy and has many of my anxieties. I know Cub Scouts teaches so many good life skills and this would be a wonderful opportunity for him to form friendships. So, I sucked up my anxieties and signed him up.
I’ve been fortunate that his father or my boyfriend have been able to take him to most of the events. Last weekend, I failed him. It was the family campout weekend, and I just couldn’t bring myself to go.
He would have loved it. Camping, outdoors activities, earning badges, and his favorite thing ever – S’mores. But the thought of it made my heart race. That would involve so much interacting with other parents – and not just being near them while the kids have fun. It would involve setting up tents and doing outdoor activities with them. All things I’m quite mediocre with, so I’d be terrified of making an ass of myself. And this isn't just a few hours of activity where I can take my meds and function like a mostly normal human. This is a solid 2.5 days of no escaping the anxiety.
I feel horrible for making my son miss the campout. He would have loved it. But no one else was able to take him and I was frozen by fear. I hate that my anxiety affects my kids sometimes. With school starting soon there will be more meetings, and I’m going to have to face my fears and go. I can’t keep making him miss out because of me.
I did sign him up for the next activity – Renaissance Festival cleanup. That one shouldn’t be too difficult, right?