Dating gives everyone anxiety, right?
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Photo by Ian Schneider on Unsplash |
A few weeks ago, I was bored. I claim to be an introvert,
but I often feel the need to chat with people to occupy myself. I recently had
a conversation about the possibility that I’m just a really shy and anxious
extrovert. Is that a thing?
So, I was bored and decided I wanted to chat with some new
people, so I activated my dormant OK Cupid account. I was sure to mention on my
profile that I was primarily interested in conversation, but was open to that
leading to more. I mentioned my love of Stephen King and Doctor Who, and that
immediately asking for sex will get you blocked.
A handful of people messaged me (I hear the experience is
quite different if you are male) and I responded to each of them, quickly
weeding out those who immediately started asking for sex – did they not read
the part about conversation, or do they just not care?! Probably both. People
can be pigs.
This process brings out zero anxiety. I’m hiding safely
behind the internet and have no problem telling people to fuck off if they’re
too pushy, or showing interest if I have it. At this point in the game, I have
nothing to lose. And if I end up getting nothing out of it except for a few
okay-ish conversations, that’s fine. After all, I was just bored and filling
time.
Then a guy messaged me talking about Stephen King. Excellent
strategy, by the way. The “hi how are you” opener only goes so far. We had a
great conversation about all things SK before moving on to talk about
ourselves. After several days of this, I was ready to deactivate my OKC account
– too many douchebags, man – so we moved to text. After I was sure I felt
comfortable with him – and I really did, which isn’t a common occurrence for me
– we discussed meeting in person.
The days leading up to the first date were full of
anticipation and excitement. Of course the day of the date, it was Anxiety
City. I was so sure that in-person me wouldn’t hold up to online me. I’m
chubbier in person than I look in my pictures. I can talk easily through text,
but in person I freeze up and have nothing to say. Then there’s always the possibility
that in person, there’s just no chemistry.
These thoughts and many more occupied my thoughts that day.
I was beyond hiding behind the internet and not caring if the person liked me. I
really wanted him to like me. I ran
through every possible “what if” scenario imaginable.
In the end, there was no need for the anxiety. I was
incredibly comfortable with him, the date went great, he likes me as much as I
like him, and we’ve talked every day since.
Yet again, Anxiety was wrong.
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