Stray Cats and Stress

This cat accurately portrays my frustration.
Photo by Borna Bevanda on Unsplash



Things I’m stressing about this week:

  • ·         A stray cat is trespassing in my house. I can’t find it. What if it brought fleas, or the mange? What if I wake up one morning and it’s staring at me and then eats my face?
  • ·         I made new friends. I like them. That’s fucking terrifying. Now I’m constantly second-guessing my worth, and why anyone would like me.
  • ·         On a related note, I’m really not even good enough for the friends and loved ones I have. I’m a plethora of issues and damage – why would anyone want to be around me, ever?
  • ·         I owe money to the IRS for taxes, and I’m broke. I’m already struggling, and I don’t know what to do. My life is in shambles.
  • ·         I will never make anyone happy.
  • ·         I will let down my family.
  • ·         The world would be better off without me.


So, yeah, it’s that kind of a week. Actually, it’s that kind of a month. Months. Hell, it’s that kind of a life.

Hm. I’m supposed to try to insert some wit and humor into these posts… I’ve got nothin’. All I can think is “Seriously, how the hell do you get a stray cat out of your house when you can’t even find it?!”

*grumble*



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I got what I want... why am I crying?

Image
The above picture is an excellent portrayal of how far I’ve gotten with packing. My youngest built a box fort while my eldest played on her phone. Meanwhile, I was going in and out of the house bringing empty boxes in and taking filled boxes to the car.

I’m in a weird place today. When my husband said he wanted a divorce over a year ago, I was crushed. For months I felt lost and hopeless. I lost the home I’d lived in for nearly ten years, mine and my childrens’ lives were turned upside down, and I felt like a complete failure.

Since then I have worked so hard to improve my situation. I got a new job, I moved several times before renting the trailer I’ve been in for a year (the first place I’ve ever had on my own), I got a new job, and have worked hard to improve my credit score.

I’m happy with where my life is right now.

I decided I could have lower monthly payments (and SO much more room) if I owned instead of rented, and have worked for months to make that a reality. It’s been hard…
Read more

Throwing Eggs Does Not End a Panic Attack

Image
I’ve never enjoyed cooking. I have ADHD so I have a hard time following recipes – my eyes jump around on the page and I always end up skipping a step. Making it up as I go doesn’t work either – When I look at all the food in the pantry, I see ingredients, but my brain doesn’t put them all together in a way that would make a dish.
While cooking I get myself so worked up because I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of ruining someone’s meal, so I work myself into a panic attack. Of course I didn’t realize that’s what was happening until about a decade ago. Before that, I thought cooking just made me angry.
I’ll never forget the time my first husband threw eggs at me because I was cooking and upset. I was making breakfast and it wasn’t going my way, as usual. In retrospect, I was obviously having a panic attack, but all he saw was that I was in a bad mood. I handed him his plate of eggs and bacon and walked back to the kitchen. While walking across the room, he threw the plate at me. It …
Read more

My Arms Are Just for Show Now

Image
Part of having anxiety is being afraid to ask for help. Mostly it’s because I don’t want to be an inconvenience, but I also have an intense fear of rejection. What if I asked and they said no?! I’d die, probably.
This covers everything from needing to borrow money to needing help hanging a medicine cabinet. It extra covers needing help with my mental state, but that’s a whole other blog post.
I usually end up mentioning what I need help with in hopes that someone will offer to help, even though that’s a chicken way to go about it. My ex couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just come right out and ask. I just can’t! Anxiety won’t let me!
Today this particular aspect of anxiety hit me hard, twice.
Yesterday one of the bosses asked for my help with something. They’re having students volunteer to come in and speak with our vendor about one of our websites so we know what needs to be improved. The boss man has an appointment and couldn’t make it to some of these interviews, so he asked …
Read more