Cthulhu Gave Me Anxiety, but I Won

Photo by Sydney Sims on Unsplash

I conquered and overcame!

If I’m going to be around people I don’t know in a social setting, I take an emergency anxiety pill about half an hour prior to make sure I can handle it. This weekend I was hanging out with a friend, when suddenly someone I didn’t know showed up and was invited in to play Cthulhu Munchkin with us. There was no time for an emergency pill.

Now… everyone knows I have a hard time with people. What you may not know, is that I also have a hard time with games. I think it might be my ADHD that makes it hard for me to learn new games, and anxiety keeps me on my toes even with games I already know. I know Munchkin, I’ve been playing it for years, but the fact that I was about to be playing with someone I’d never met had me hiding in the bathroom planning my exit strategy.

For once, anxiety gave me the panic attack, and also prevented me from fleeing because of it. I sat there fighting with myself – I kept thinking I have to leave, I can’t be here, but then I thought what if they take offense to the fact that I leave, and I make them upset with me? In the end I went with the lesser of two evils.

Surprisingly, the lesser evil was staying. In the past I would have left and dealt with the possibility of making people upset with me. I’d say this is growth!

I’ve always said wine is my social juice. Years ago a guy said I’m actually fun when I’m drinking because I actually talk. I was offended at this comment, but it’s the truth. It’s not as healthy a solution as my prescribed medication, but it works in a pinch. It takes the edge off of my anxiety and allows me to function like a normal person in social situations.

So, with the help of wine, I stayed, I played the game, and I actually won. The night was a victory all over the place. J


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