Anxiety is being afraid of your own friends
I have been called out on my tendency to bail on plans twice
in the past week. A good friend had a small get-together for me for my
birthday, and he mentioned he was afraid I wouldn’t show up.
That broke my heart.
It was only three of us, but he made cupcakes (queercakes,
as he called them), had sushi and wine, and made witty birthday signs that he
hung throughout his house. He is such a great friend and I’m so thankful for
him. So when he mentioned how busy I am and said he was afraid I wouldn’t show
up, I felt horrible. Do I really do that to my friends who care for me?
Yep. Yep I do.
And it’s not because I’m busy, or I don’t appreciate them,
or I don’t want to see them. It’s because of anxiety. For instance – I really
did think about canceling that day. Nothing new, canceling crosses my mind
every single time I make plans with someone.
I think I’m going to
go out there, and I’m going to have fun! Anxiety be damned! And then as it gets closer to actually going
out in public and being around people (who Anxiety says probably don’t really
like me anyway), I panic. Most of the time I talk myself out of it, I go, I
have fun, I kick Anxiety’s ass. But sometimes I just don’t have it in me, and
Anxiety convinces me I’m better off at home, hiding.
So next time I have plans with you, don’t let me bail. Tell
me how much you want to see me and remind me of how much fun we’ll have. Call
me out on my anxiety.
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