Diagnosis: A Lifetime of Diagnoses


Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash


The list keeps getting longer.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Depression
ADHD
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome
Hypothyroidism
Sleep Apnea
Irritable Bowel Syndrome
Seasonal Allergies
History of Kidney Stones and frequent kidney infection
History of Abnormal Cervical Cells
Borderline Diabetes (due to PCOS)

These are the things that show up as diagnoses on my visit summaries from my various doctors. It seems like every year I get a new one. When I was in my early twenties I thought I was healthy. I probably had most of these problems, I just hated going to the doctor, so I ignored them and pretended to be healthy.

Sometimes I feel like a reject when I go to the doctor and ramble off my list of symptoms. Good grief, they should probably just take me out back and put me out of my misery. But you know what? I’m thankful for these diagnoses. I’m not thankful that I have the health problems, but I’m thankful that doctors have finally started figuring out what’s wrong with me. Now we can work on making me better.

I’ll never get rid of these diagnoses. They’ll follow me around like a black cloud for the rest of my life. Even if I eat right and lose weight I’ll still be borderline diabetic because of the polycystic ovarian syndrome, and that’s the only one on the list that can be cured. But, I’ll take my medications. I’ll continue following up with various physicians who specialize in each area. We’ll keep tackling problems as they arise.

I'm not alone in this fight. 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety and depression.  20 million Americans have thyroid disease. 1 in 10 women have PCOS. If you're suffering from health problems and you feel alone, know that you definitely are not.

And they're nothing to be ashamed of.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I got what I want... why am I crying?

Image
The above picture is an excellent portrayal of how far I’ve gotten with packing. My youngest built a box fort while my eldest played on her phone. Meanwhile, I was going in and out of the house bringing empty boxes in and taking filled boxes to the car.

I’m in a weird place today. When my husband said he wanted a divorce over a year ago, I was crushed. For months I felt lost and hopeless. I lost the home I’d lived in for nearly ten years, mine and my childrens’ lives were turned upside down, and I felt like a complete failure.

Since then I have worked so hard to improve my situation. I got a new job, I moved several times before renting the trailer I’ve been in for a year (the first place I’ve ever had on my own), I got a new job, and have worked hard to improve my credit score.

I’m happy with where my life is right now.

I decided I could have lower monthly payments (and SO much more room) if I owned instead of rented, and have worked for months to make that a reality. It’s been hard…
Read more

My Arms Are Just for Show Now

Image
Part of having anxiety is being afraid to ask for help. Mostly it’s because I don’t want to be an inconvenience, but I also have an intense fear of rejection. What if I asked and they said no?! I’d die, probably.
This covers everything from needing to borrow money to needing help hanging a medicine cabinet. It extra covers needing help with my mental state, but that’s a whole other blog post.
I usually end up mentioning what I need help with in hopes that someone will offer to help, even though that’s a chicken way to go about it. My ex couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just come right out and ask. I just can’t! Anxiety won’t let me!
Today this particular aspect of anxiety hit me hard, twice.
Yesterday one of the bosses asked for my help with something. They’re having students volunteer to come in and speak with our vendor about one of our websites so we know what needs to be improved. The boss man has an appointment and couldn’t make it to some of these interviews, so he asked …
Read more

Throwing Eggs Does Not End a Panic Attack

Image
I’ve never enjoyed cooking. I have ADHD so I have a hard time following recipes – my eyes jump around on the page and I always end up skipping a step. Making it up as I go doesn’t work either – When I look at all the food in the pantry, I see ingredients, but my brain doesn’t put them all together in a way that would make a dish.
While cooking I get myself so worked up because I’m afraid of failing. I’m afraid of ruining someone’s meal, so I work myself into a panic attack. Of course I didn’t realize that’s what was happening until about a decade ago. Before that, I thought cooking just made me angry.
I’ll never forget the time my first husband threw eggs at me because I was cooking and upset. I was making breakfast and it wasn’t going my way, as usual. In retrospect, I was obviously having a panic attack, but all he saw was that I was in a bad mood. I handed him his plate of eggs and bacon and walked back to the kitchen. While walking across the room, he threw the plate at me. It …
Read more