One Panic Attack at a Time

Photo by Trinity  Kubassek from Pexels  Social anxiety has always been the bane of my existence. And it’s not discreet. Almost always someone else is aware that something is wrong. More often than not, they just think I’m being weird or antisocial. Or maybe no one actually notices, and that’s all in my head… Take, for instance, the retirement party I had to throw yesterday. It’s part of my job. I put the whole thing together – ordered the food and drinks, cut the cake, presented the retirement gift, socialized with the guests… it was torture. This is the third party I’ve had to organize since starting my job as an administrative assistant at a community college, and I’ve been lucky enough to have a few gals volunteer to help me out each time. That takes a bit of the pressure off. The actual organization of the party isn’t the problem. A lot of it can be done online – oh how I love hiding behind the safety of the interwebs! The actual set-up and execution

Photo: The IT Crowd on BBC In searching for quotes regarding self-care, I came across this gem: “Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott Naturally, it reminded me of The IT Crowd - "Have you tried turning it off and on again?" The quote is, of course, completely right. Sometimes you need to unplug and take care of yourself in order to function. Parents, women, and people used to caring for others often forget about self-care. You get so wrapped up in taking care of everyone else that you neglect to take care of yourself. If you do too much of this, you end up burning all your matches before you’re even halfway through the day. I’ve made myself ill by continuing to do housework even though I’m emotionally exhausted. I know I’m not alone. I’ve spoken with friends who describe going through the motions of responsibilities, while thinking they’ll fall over if they do one more thing. There was a time whe

  Photo: Anton Cancre This week's guest post comes from a friend who is a great writer and general all-around swell human.  On Living Trauma Adjacent By Anton Cancre Neither of my parents beat me when I was growing up. They didn’t yell at me all that much, either. They tended to take that aggression out on each other. I distinctly remember, back when I was somewhere around 4 years old, being taken to my grandparents’ house in a police car. When I was much older, I found out that my father had removed the distributor cap from the car and was threatening to kill my mom. There was also the time that she had to hit him on the head with one of those obscenely large and heavy beer steins to get him off of her. For so much of my young life, it seems like the house was filled with screaming and anger. But it wasn’t directed at me. I tend not to talk about this much, but I was never molested as a child. I was never a little kid, sitting down with my mother an

Photo by  Kinga Cichewicz  on  Unsplash The list keeps getting longer. Generalized Anxiety Disorder Depression ADHD Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Hypothyroidism Sleep Apnea Irritable Bowel Syndrome Seasonal Allergies History of Kidney Stones and frequent kidney infection History of Abnormal Cervical Cells Borderline Diabetes (due to PCOS) These are the things that show up as diagnoses on my visit summaries from my various doctors. It seems like every year I get a new one. When I was in my early twenties I thought I was healthy. I probably had most of these problems, I just hated going to the doctor, so I ignored them and pretended to be healthy. Sometimes I feel like a reject when I go to the doctor and ramble off my list of symptoms. Good grief, they should probably just take me out back and put me out of my misery. But you know what? I’m thankful for these diagnoses. I’m not thankful that I have the health problems, but I’m thankful that doctor

Photo: Me... being weird Bear with me, it may take me a minute to get to my point on this one. I highly suggest you join Meetup.com. There is also a handy-dandy app. With Meetup you can find groups of like-minded people who meet regularly to hang out, have discussions, and do activities. You can search for groups by category: family, health & wellness, music, LGBTQ, beliefs, book clubs, hobbies, etc. No, this isn't an ad. Being around people who are like me has made me feel normal for the first time in my life. It's pretty awesome.  So I’ve been meeting with one particular group for about a year now, and it’s been great. Our group was invited to join another group (The TriState Freethinkers) for a discussion on a topic that relates to both groups. This event was, for the most part, a very interesting discussion. The speakers discussed comprehensive sex education in schools (OMG this needs to happen everywhere), LGBTQ support, support groups for women, a

Photo by  Ruthie Martin  on  Unsplash Today I present you with a powerful guest post from an anonymous friend. I love this post because I know exactly how she feels, and I know the struggle (all too well...) to love myself before looking for love in others.  Divorce has changed me. I remember thinking that meeting my soulmate would end all of my troubles; that love was the answer to my everything. I walked down the aisle in my white dress filled with hopeful dreams stuffed underneath the many layers of lace and fabric. Together we made a life for ourselves. We bought a house in the suburbs and spent our weekends shopping at Home Depot. My life was perfect for a brief moment. Each day I watched my marriage fall apart, and I found myself fading away with it. I spent my time sitting on the couch, waiting for my spouse to come home. I became so overly obsessed with the relationship that I forgot about myself. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know who I was, because I was ma