Guest Post: I'm overeating right now - and that's a good thing

Photo of: Steven Saus | Photo by: Betina Baessler

Today I have another guest post for you. Don't worry, Loyal Reader, I'll get back
at it soon, but my mind has been elsewhere the past week. Today's guest blogger
is Steven Saus.

Steven Saus injects people with radioactivity as his day job, but only to serve the
forces of good. You can find him at stevensaus.com and he blogs at ideatrash.net


I am fat.

My love, who is sitting next to me as I write this, glanced over and looked at me incredulously, but it’s true.

It shouldn’t be a surprise: after I ate my dinner at the fast food joint we just left, I ate the half-eaten leftover sandwich she had in front of her.  I can make excuses - like that I’ve only been able to eat one other time today - but really, I ate it because I was - and am - stressed.  It’s been a really rough week for me and mine.

And that I’m overeating is good. Sort of.

I’ve had a hard time with diets or pills that are based on appetite suppression, because I stress-eat. Carbs, sugars, fats - basically it’s the “let them eat cake” version of self-medication. Unfortunately, that’s my normal state anymore: that level of being stressed out where I want to eat to compensate.

There’s a part of me that knows that if I ate healthier foods it might help with the stress. At the very least, if I ate healthier foods (and healthier portions) that I might just lose weight and not have the weight of knowing I’m fat (ha!) pressing down on me.  The carbs and cake and cookies don’t help - and yet I eat them.

But right now, that’s a good thing.

When I was recovering from a bout of suicidal ideation several years ago I hardly ate anything.  I lost quite a bit of weight, quite quickly.  Even though I was recovering, I was still stressed and upset well beyond what I could deal with and my appetite just...shut down.  

It’s not a diet I’d recommend.

It’s also now a warning sign to me. If I stop eating, if I have to force myself to eat, then there’s something massively wrong.  It’s a self-imposed trigger to talk to people, to ask for help. Knowing this about myself is more important than any number on a scale.

So it’s kinda good that I’m still eating (and overeating).  

But I do watch how little my love is eating right now, and worry just a little bit more.



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