Posts

Diagnosis: A Lifetime of Diagnoses

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Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash

The list keeps getting longer.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder Depression ADHD Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome Hypothyroidism Sleep Apnea Irritable Bowel Syndrome Seasonal Allergies History of Kidney Stones and frequent kidney infection History of Abnormal Cervical Cells Borderline Diabetes (due to PCOS)
These are the things that show up as diagnoses on my visit summaries from my various doctors. It seems like every year I get a new one. When I was in my early twenties I thought I was healthy. I probably had most of these problems, I just hated going to the doctor, so I ignored them and pretended to be healthy.
Sometimes I feel like a reject when I go to the doctor and ramble off my list of symptoms. Good grief, they should probably just take me out back and put me out of my misery. But you know what? I’m thankful for these diagnoses. I’m not thankful that I have the health problems, but I’m thankful that doctors have finally started figuring out what’s wrong with me. …

Don't Call Me Weird

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Photo: Me... being weird


Bear with me, it may take me a minute to get to my point on this one.
I highly suggest you join Meetup.com. There is also a handy-dandy app. With Meetup you can find groups of like-minded people who meet regularly to hang out, have discussions, and do activities. You can search for groups by category: family, health & wellness, music, LGBTQ, beliefs, book clubs, hobbies, etc. No, this isn't an ad. Being around people who are like me has made me feel normal for the first time in my life. It's pretty awesome. 
So I’ve been meeting with one particular group for about a year now, and it’s been great. Our group was invited to join another group (The TriState Freethinkers) for a discussion on a topic that relates to both groups. This event was, for the most part, a very interesting discussion. The speakers discussed comprehensive sex education in schools (OMG this needs to happen everywhere), LGBTQ support, support groups for women, and sex reassignment sur…

Guest Post: Divorce Has Changed Me; Focusing on Self-Love

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Photo by Ruthie Martin on Unsplash
Today I present you with a powerful guest post from an anonymous friend. I love this post because I know exactly how she feels, and I know the struggle (all too well...) to love myself before looking for love in others. 

Divorce has changed me. I remember thinking that meeting my soulmate would end all of my troubles; that love was the answer to my everything. I walked down the aisle in my white dress filled with hopeful dreams stuffed underneath the many layers of lace and fabric. Together we made a life for ourselves. We bought a house in the suburbs and spent our weekends shopping at Home Depot. My life was perfect for a brief moment.
Each day I watched my marriage fall apart, and I found myself fading away with it. I spent my time sitting on the couch, waiting for my spouse to come home. I became so overly obsessed with the relationship that I forgot about myself. It didn’t matter that I didn’t know who I was, because I was married and my dreams had…

Guest Post: A Stranger in the Mirror

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Photo: Cheyenne Bowman
Today's guest post is from Cheyenne Bowman - Stay-at-home mom, ginger, and good friend.  Looking into the reflective glass, she stares at the woman in front of her - but it isn't a woman she sees at all. Reflecting back at her is a scared little girl with eyes full of disgust and sadness. This isn't the person she was suppose to be. This isn't the plan she had for herself. The little girl's eyes scornfully accuse her of all their lost hopes and dreams.  She was supposed to grow up strong and independent. She was supposed to grow up moral, loyal, and confident. This woman looking into the mirror was none of these things. Where had she gone wrong? She had hit all the major points in her life plan. But life, she'd learned, doesn't give two shits about your plans.  Wallowing in self pity won't change anything, so she'd better pick up the pieces around her and try again. Can you try again? The answer to that question was elusive, bu…

I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it.

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Photo: Me and Amanda

Imagine you love reading books. It’s who you are as a person, it’s how you identify yourself. You are a book lover. The feel of the book in your hands, the smell of the pages, the way you forget all your troubles when you get lost in that book…that’s the essential you. Now imagine it’s like Fahrenheit 451. Society thinks it’s fundamentally wrong that you love books. Society judges you for your love of books. But you didn’t choose to love books, it’s just who you are. You were born to love books.
Imagine everyone around you loves to watch television, so you’re expected to love watching television as well...even that show that you really hate. You play along. All your life, you watch television with the rest of them...but secretly you long to read a good book. You can’t just be yourself, because if you mentioned your love of books, they would grimace and never look at you the same. So you pretend you’re someone else. You pretend to love television, and only televisi…

Guest Post: I'm overeating right now - and that's a good thing

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Today I have another guest post for you. Don't worry, Loyal Reader, I'll get back at it soon, but my mind has been elsewhere the past week. Today's guest blogger is Steven Saus.
Steven Saus injects people with radioactivity as his day job, but only to serve the forces of good. You can find him at stevensaus.com and he blogs at ideatrash.net

I am fat.
My love, who is sitting next to me as I write this, glanced over and looked at me incredulously, but it’s true.
It shouldn’t be a surprise: after I ate my dinner at the fast food joint we just left, I ate the half-eaten leftover sandwich she had in front of her.  I can make excuses - like that I’ve only been able to eat one other time today - but really, I ate it because I was - and am - stressed.  It’s been a really rough week for me and mine.
And that I’m overeating is good. Sort of.
I’ve had a hard time with diets or pills that are based on appetite suppression, because…

Guest Post: Depression is a Motherfucker

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Photo of: Leslie Hamilton | Photo by: Leslie Hamilton
Today I give you a guest post written by one of my dearest friends in the world - Leslie Hamilton. 
I have only really become aware of my depression in the past year, though I was put on an anti-depressant about eight years ago when I expressed to my primary care doctor that I cried at the drop of a hat. There was no talking about what may be causing it or any other suggestions offered to help cope with it. I was simply written a prescription for a drug.
He folded the paper and handed it to me. I was terrified. Had I become one of those people? Someone who was going to need a drug to manage getting through the day?
Then the what-ifs rolled in - What if I never cry again? What if I’m numb all the time? What if I become a completely different person? Naturally I cried as soon as I got in my car, since that’s my immediate response whenever I am overwhelmed.
I texted my best friends and shared the experience. I received so many boosts…