Posts

When your medicine makes you worse

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I’ve been talking a lot lately about my depression getting worse. I have a few mental health issues, but anxiety is always the big one, standing front and center. Recently depression shoved its way to the front of the line.
I have logical reasons to be depressed. It’s been a rough year and my finances are in the crapper. But I also have a lot to be thankful for, and usually that’s enough to keep me from getting completely down. Lately, however, my downfalls are all I can think of.
I’ve been on Pristiq for depression and anxiety for several years. It’s worked far better than anything else, and I’ve tried quite a few medications for these problems. I take Clonazepam for panic attacks. I can take two a day, as needed, but sometimes I go weeks without needing one at all. As my financial situation has been getting worse (summer care for children is so much more expensive than before and after school care) I’ve been having more panic attacks, so I’ve been taking the Clonazepam more regul…

My face, it just leaks sometimes; Okay, so I'm depressed

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Depression has been kicking my ass. I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately. I try to be nonchalant about it, I don't want to make it a big deal. I don't want people to worry about me, I don't want to bring attention to myself (hello, social anxiety), I just want to be alone with my existential crisis. But, I'm the world's worst liar, so it's clearly written all over my face that something is wrong.

I've suffered from depression most of my life. I talk about my anxiety more because it seems to be at the forefront of my mental health problems. It disrupts my life the most. My depression is usually just hanging out in the back of my mind. It lets me know it's there, but it's quiet.

The last few weeks, Depression is apparently in a mood, because she's been making a ruckus.

I've been crying a lot. Crying tends to happen during a panic attack for me, so at first I thought I was just having really frequent panic attacks. I'd be sit…

Alone at Camp

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Today, my faithful readers, I’m going to tell you about the nightmare that was sixth grade camp.
In the town where I grew up, there were six elementary schools, and then one junior high and one high school. Sixth grade camp was a way for everyone from each school to come together to meet the people who would be your peers the next year in junior high.
I had very few friends in elementary school, and none of them were planning on going to camp. And yet, I still wanted to go.
Each school had to prepare a skit for the talent show. My school performed “Achy Breaky Heart” – not by Billy Ray Cyrus, but by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Since I was the smallest person in my class, they voted for me to play the part of Brittney Chipmunk. Brittney had speaking lines that I had to lip sync to before and after the song. When I said I didn’t want to play the part, the teacher insisted, saying things like “it’ll be fun.”
Naturally, being afraid of EVERYTHING, I was way too shy to perform well durin…

Guest Post: I'm Fine

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Today's guest blogger is Eileen Parry. 
We all want honesty, when it's convenient for us. That's not a statement about our character, but about all of humanity.
Being honest is hard. Not just for the one being honest, but for those who are hearing it. There is something easy and sometimes comforting about telling a lie or withholding the truth. You feel as though you are protecting someone, doing them a service by not telling the truth. That someone might be a colleague, an acquaintance or a loved one. More often than not though, that someone is you.
When you have a million thoughts racing through your head—sometimes dark, angry and terrible thoughts—you have to decide if you're going to share them with the people in your life. Sharing can mean support, but the fear inside you says that it will ultimately mean rejection. So, when asked how you are or what you're thinking, it is easy and at times reflexive to respond with "I'm fine", to leave out the maca…

Be a Guest Blogger!

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Do you have thoughts tumbling around in your head?

Do you think maybe it would help your well-being to get those thoughts out on paper?

Well then I've got an opportunity for you! 

Be a guest blogger for One Panic Attack At a Time! 

Write out your thoughts on anything related to anxiety, mental illness, society, current events, LGBTQ, family problems, or whatever your little heart desires and email it to betinabaessler@gmail.com.

Let me know if you have a title, if you want to remain anonymous or have your name used, and include either a picture of yourself or an image related to the topic to be included on the post.

I'll edit the post and let you know what date it will be published!

Now get to writing! 

I'm not lazy, I'm sick

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My house is a disaster. Okay, maybe not a complete disaster – I’ve seen worse. But the clutter, dishes, and laundry that need to be taken care of are giving me anxiety attacks.
There have been many studies that proved the link between clutter and stress, so the struggle is, in fact, real.
Unfortunately, anxiety robs me of my energy, so I don’t have the spoons to take care of the mess.
So the mess gets worse.
Then my anxiety gets worse.
Then I resort to watching television in my bedroom and avoiding the kitchen and living room so I don’t see the mess, so it doesn’t stress me out.
Repeat forever until I die in filth.
I swear I’m not lazy – I’m just always so mentally exhausted that I feel physically exhausted, and I don’t have the energy to be productive. Of course then there’s my defective thyroid, which also makes me physically exhausted.
I live for the days when I wake up feeling well.They’re so rare, but when they happen it’s like a magical gift. On those days I turn my musi…

Queer Erasure

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I came across the above gem on Kimchi Cuddles the other day.
I love me some Deadpool. He’s sarcastic, he’s funny, he’s played by Ryan Reynolds (who is oh-so-yummy), and best of all – he’s queer. When I saw the many articles about Marvel’s first queer superhero, Negasonic Teenage Warhead, I was confused. She’s not the first!Deadpool is pansexual! But, Deadpool hasn’t been depicted onscreen with a romantic interest other than a woman, so despite the fact that he has said he’s pan, that’s not good enough for the media.
I relate to this SO much. I mean, the media is always up in my business.
Kidding. I’m a ninja, they don’t even know I exist. Mwahahaha!
In the comic above, Deadpool mentions that he’s being bi-erased in his own show. I haven’t seen Deadpool 2 yet, so I don’t know if they focus on his sexuality at all, but bi-erasure is very real. Every bisexual person has heard “it’s just a phase,” or “I told you you’re not bi,” when dating a cis person of the opposite sex.  
There were hundred…